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Pride and mortal fear.
Posted by dlovell | 02/07/06
The idea of mortal fear finally came to me the other day.
I guess I've used the term before, but I don't think I ever really understood what I was saying. I think I have it now.
I've always felt that all of this -- life, I mean -- is a dream or a movie. I don't have any sense of who I am in it, really. I don't even know what I look like. Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror and look entirely unfamiliar.
When I wrecked my car over the summer, I remember having lots of time before the impact of car vs. guardrail to think. I remember clearly thinking that those were likely my last few moments. And then, just in case they weren't, my mind told my body two things: Shut your eyes and close your mouth...
Slip-sliding away.
Posted by dlovell | 02/20/06
Tooling around town the other day, I noticed a young guy in a little Japanese car, trying to gun his way around a corner. The back end spun around wildly behind him, and he narrowly missed a car parked at the side of the road.
I was fascinated watching him. And my fascination grew when I realized that I hadn't slipped at all that day. I'd never once lost control. Four-wheel drive is a big part of that, I'm sure.
But there was more to it. And if you know me, you know that no simple observation can stand without becoming a metaphor.
See, I was that kid once. In fact, I was him not too long ago, so eager to get to my destination that I was hurrying along. But that's just dangerous.
You miss a whole lot when you're rushing along...
A confession.
Posted by dlovell | 02/21/06
I love music. And I have to admit that in the circles I've run in I haven't been able to be really open about everything I like. My favorites, though, are the old songwriters: Paul Simon, Bob Dylan, Cat Stevens. There's a ton more. And there's Neil Diamond.
Neil's got a way of getting to the soul. I've loved the stories of his young days, when he was chastised for turning too often from the audience. He wasn't a star, really. At least he didn't think of himself as one.
Somewhere along the line, it all changed. He became a parody of a pop icon. He was like a joke. But to me, really, the songs were always there. "Red, red wine" is still one of my very favorite songs, and I on particularly melancholy days I sing "I am, I said...
To battle.
Posted by dlovell | 02/24/06
We all have ways of dealing with attacks.
When I'm particularly stressd I can imagine myself a warrior, under siege from a dark enemy.
Often, the enemy is from within my own thoughts. Sometimes the enemy is from without. In those times, I can don a suit of armour to deflect the arrows of insult. I can lift high a shield to catch the hammer-blows of disappointment. In my own mind, I'm hacking, charging, bludgeoning the thoughts that lurk and grab at me with cruelty.
My armour protects me from things I cannot dodge or duck. Memories, deceit, harm.
Sometimes I even sleep under my shield, to protect me from dreams.
There's a price to pay for relying on steel.
Every once in a while, you need to remove the helmet...
Tiny bubbles.
Posted by dlovell | 02/28/06
I was onto Vanilla Coke long before Coke ever bottled it. My friend Dana taught me to put a teaspoon of vanilla in Coke -- no sugar or vanilla syrup needed.
Then it came out in bottles and cans, and for a while I thought maybe it would replace Pepsi as my soda of choice. It didn't.
I was, however, unhappy with Coca-Cola's decision to discontinue Vanilla Coke. Until the other day.
See, now they have Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. Cherry? Black cherry? And vanilla? Wow.
So I tried it, and it's good.
I love soda, and as I've said before, I jump at the chance to try something new. Couple of things I won't go near: Energy drinks and the new Vault soda. A person like me doesn't need manufactured energy. I could actually use about 72 straight hours of sleep...
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Rambling onDaniel Lovell, New Media Director for Eagle Newspapers, has won more than two dozen awards for his columns, editorials and investigative journalism. He is actively addicted to the Internet, soda and New York Yankees baseball.
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